Someone who does not have a clue about what is going on around them. Even worse, someone that acts as if they dont understand something even when they understand perfectly. Someone who is oblivious, has declining mental facilities, or is simply stupid and cannot recognize obvious things or cannot take on simple tasks. So now you expect to regain credibility by saying welch couldnt find his ass in the dark -- (with both hands) you are pathetic hopsucker. Couldnt find his ass with both hands, a map, and an ass finding machine. Couldnt find his ass with both hands, a map, and an ass finding machine. Via brittney who apparently bought this bullshit, s-townmike writes ive been waiting to see if the conserva-tive bloggers would start promoting shooting local looters on the heels of last weeks tornadoes as they did in the wake of hurricane katrina last year, but the silence on. grudges and slights have always been held in american political history. But jimmy carters grudge against ted kennedy for fighting him on health care continues to this day, 30 years later. Couldnt find (ones) way out of a paper bag particularly dim-witted, unintelligent, or incompetent unable to do something basic, simple, or straightforward. A hows the new intern working out? B hes a nice kid, but he couldnt find his way out of a paper bag! Jeffs new boyfriend sure says some dumb things. in that he couldnt find his ass with both hands peter mackay has a coordination problem. Email this blogthis! Share to twitter share to facebook share to pinterest. There are many similar phrases like couldnt find his own ass couldnt find his way out of a paper bag and so on. The takeaway here is it is yet another yoichi example of a somewhat poorly-written, modification of a somewhat common saying in english.