Erika on october 31, 2016 hi samantha, so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. It says almost all the things that i have always wanted someone to say to my husband. some women make a habit of withholding sex from their partners, while some only do it under very specific circumstances. Withholding sex has been the number one tool with leverage for marital couples since the dawn of matrimonial bliss. However, at some point you have to wonder if its worth it, if it works, if it is fair and if sex should be a bargaining chip in marriages at all. If you know that your husband or wife is a very sexual being. Withholding sex starts continuous rejection cycle and kills a part of the spousal relationship. Is your wife withholding sex from you? Is your wife withholding sex from you? What options do you have in the prison of a sexless marriage? Have you ever felt like your sex life has been stolen? Do you believe that women are the gate keepers of your sexuality. alexandra katehakis, mft, csat, cst is a senior fellow at gentle path at the meadows. The following is an excerpt from her book mirror of intimacy daily reflections on emotional and erotic intelligence. Withholding love or sex is psychological abuse and results from early trauma. the problem with sexual withholding in a marriage has far less to do with actually having or not having sex and much more to do with misunderstanding. your wife has done something that hurts your feelings or, there is a problem in the marriage that you wish to discuss with her. Not only does he not want sex with you, he doesnt want to talk to you either. Ouch! Use of extreme, stonewalling is a way for one spouse to manipulate the other spouse into getting what they want. however, withholding sex from your spouse is a direct violation of the vows you made on your wedding day. The sexually immoral act of withholding sex from your spouse precedes the sexual immoral act of adultery.